Developing Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is one of the essential attributes to success in life, or for that matter for success in any undertaking or enterprise. It is the corner stone for a dominant and colorful personality. An individual aspiring to become and remain as a leader must have self-confidence. Generally the individual who suffers from inferiority complex is found to be lacking in self-confidence. Lack of self-confidence also makes a man socially aloof and retiring.

He shures Company and publicity although he may have an inner longing to mix with others and be free. The sense of being interior proves often to be more crippling than a physical disability. Lack of education, poor social status, childhood disappointments etc. may also lead to development of inferiority feelings in an individual. Lack of self-confidence and the presence of inferiority complex may manifest on the part of an individual in shyness. Timidity, over sensitiveness, loneliness, fear, tendency to speak lies and so on. In specific cases the afflicted person may turn out to be a sadist and when placed in a position of authority may take it out on his subordinates. He will be unduly critical of their acts and reveal a marked tendency to find fault with them. He will be assailed by constant doubts and find it difficult to trust anyone. In contrast, he is likely to display a servile attitude towards his superiors. Individuals having no self-confidence will not even are able to converse freely. All the while they will be worried inwardly those others would be thinking poorly of them.

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They will be subjected to constant and recurring self-doubts. It may ultimately lead to mental frustrations and severe disappointments. Since lack of self-confidence is the serious impediment on the path to progress and success in one’s life, it should he got rid of at the earliest opportunity. Luckily it can be cured completely, fully and effectively. Very rarely external aid and the assistance of expert would be necessary for the cure. Practically in all the cases, the individual himself can overcome his inferiority complex and develop self-confidence by his on determined and persistent efforts.

The first thing to do is to find out as to why a person feels inferior. The individual must carry out a thorough, objective self-analysis. It will have its beginning or origin somewhere, often in one’s childhood. Finding out and pin-pointing the cause will prove to be the first step in curing the disease. A feeling of neglect, superior educational or sports accomplishments of brothers, sisters r friends protected life, constant adverse criticisms, physical short-comings and social distinctions any of these individually or in combination with others might have sown the seed of inferiority complex in the young mind. The individual can identify the cause .without much difficulty by talking aloud his problem with his rusted friend. Where necessary he can consult an expert.

The most important factor is to remember that inferiority complex is due entirely to one’s own mental imagination. The individual imagines that others notice, observe and take cognizance of his shortcomings. Unfortunately this is a wrong assumption, taken for granted as correct by the afflicted person in reality nothing is farther from truth. In day to day life, very rarely people worry and bother about others, especially where the point at issue toes not directly affect them or their interest in any way Let us assume that ‘A’ has a stammer. This physical handicap might have developed a sense of inferiority complex on his part. All the time A will be laboring under the false illusion that everybody in the world would be thinking only A’s stammer all the time. This is purely a mental obsession of ‘A’. Unfortunately ‘A’ does not reflect and realize the fact that he rarely thinks of the handicaps or deformities of B, C, D and so many others. If ‘A’ is thus made to realize that others do not bother about his problem. He will realize he futility of imagining and harboring such farfetched fears.

The next thing is to understand that there is no such thing as an inferior person. The terms superior and inferior are purely relative connotations. They may not mean the same to two different individuals. What is inferior to ‘A’ may be superior to ‘B’ and vice versa. Further, one may be inferior to another in one aspect but superior to the same individual in regard to other aspects. If a doctor is good in his profession so also a lecturer could be good in his profession. When we thus analyses objectively we will find that the terms inferior and superior have really no relevance at all and it is nothing but foolishness or ignorance on the part of one to suffer my inhibitions by harboring these illusions. One often feels inferior because he judges himself by the standards he attributes to other people and not by his own. The question is not how one stands in relation to X, y, and Z but how he stands in relation to the best that he is capable of. Again, the afflicted person tortures himself by comparing his position with those who are better off than him. He will find himself thanking his stars if only he were to compare his state with those who are worse off than himself. A stammerer has every reason to be jubilant when he compares himself to a born dumb and deaf individual. The latter in his turn could derive immense confidence in case he compares himself to a blind person. Therefore one deludes himself when he thinks that lie should be like someone else. If we only ponder, that each one has a problem of his own just as every house has an entrance, not only our inferiority complex. But many other unwanted feelings like jealousy; bitterness etc. will take leave of us. We must realize that each one of us is unique and one is concerned with his own self and he has hardly the time or inclination to worry about others. Such realization and self-analysis coupled with the discovery of the root cause for the origin of inferiority complex will straightaway help the individual to shed his complex and step out of his shell.

Having thus neutralized the basic factors which contributed to the growth of inferiority complex we should now proceed to take some positive steps for building the required self-confidence. We all know that nothing succeeds like success. Similarly confidence grows from success and in turn contributes to more success. If you can succeed in one venture, you can hope to succeed in the next venture also. Thus with experience your confidence grows. Two things, therefore, form the foundation of self confidence. One is the knowledge or know-how. The other is practice and experience. The more the knowledge and longer the experience, the greater and firmer is your confidence. In the same way the more your success, the greater grows your confidence. Thus, in order to succeed you must first analyses your strong points, select your field of action and set you goal. Next, draw a plan of action and proceed to work with single minded concentration, devotion, interest, urge and enthusiasm. Your goal, plan and activities will take all of your time and thoughts, and in your enthusiasm and enlightened knowledge of the fallacy of the complex. you will see that you are bubbling with self-confidence. Having made this initial start, the next step is to try your hand on those things about which you are afraid, hesitant or under-confident. Let us assume that our friend ‘A’, the stammerer, now wants to be a public orator. Let us also suppose that he has become a first rate surgeon and has overcome his initial complex because of his specialized knowledge, experience and success in his professional field. If he were to realize that Demosthenes, The greatest orator of ancient history, was the worst stammerer, and that Adolf 1-litler or recent history who moved millions by spirited speech was a discharged ex-corporal who began his public speaking career by addressing an audience of four people in a country tavern, he will get all the confidence he needs to go on the stage and talk. What is more lie can find out the techniques that contributed to the success of so many great orators. He will find that all great speakers had knowledge, enthusiasm, and practice. Very soon A’ will also blossom into a famous orator. Thus lie would have taken the lion by its heard and they trace of under confidence would have vanished altogether.

The next important step to gain complete self-confidence is to turn your interest and concern towards others instead of worrying about you. Think outwardly and think of others, their needs, problems and difficulties. Consider whether you contribute to improve their lot in any way. Take a genuine sincere and active interest in others. Give sympathy, encouragement and active help to them. Plunge into the job with great and real enthusiasm. The more you know of the people. The more the talk of their problems to you, the more you listen, learn and appreciate, the greater will be your knowledge and stronger your self-confidence.

We may now consider the above techniques in the form of’ certain Do’s and don’ts for easy memorization and recapitulation.

  • Do understand that other individuals take you in their stride and accept you at your face value. They do not pay any serious attention to your imaginary or real shortcomings. They are more concerned about themselves than about you or anyone else in the world.
  • Do analyses your childhood events and understand the cause of your complex, fear, hesitancy, etc. Remember now that conditions have changed for the better and that you have several assets with you at the moment.
  • Do find out the cause before you pass any Judgment on yourself for the result. Do know that by eliminating the unfavorable factors and injecting favorable factors, you can succeed in your next or subsequent attempts.
  • Do appreciate the individual difference and uniqueness of the individual. Always look up and not look down upon yourself if you ever wish to compare your state with those of others.
  • Do know that only yourself and no one else can reform you. The strength and confidence that you may need has to conic from within.
  • Do think about others and their interests. Gain knowledge. Acquire skill and you will automatically find the confidence. Especially when you put them to use for helping others.
  • Don’t imagine that you are done for and there is no hope. Others like you have succeeded in their attempts. You can also succeed if you are willing to try and work hard.
  • Don’t consider that you are inferior to anyone else or more inadequate or less intelligent or less capable. With enthusiasm, industriousness, concentration and perseverance, you can always score over others.
  • Don’t give up because of a setback or a series of failures Kites rise against and not with the wind. Thee is not defeat save from within.
  • Don't be afraid of criticism and failures. It. You persist and do not give up. Ultimate victory will always be yours.
  • Don’t rush. Don’t impatient. Rome was not built in a day. First von have to unlearn your fear and there learn confidence. Let the progress be sure and steady so that you are certain to reach the top. Here are some proven positive steps to drive out the inferiority complex and usher in supreme confidence in its place.
  • Have faith in yourself and believe in your ability. Be optimistic and adopt a positive attitude. Sooner or later the man who wins is the man who thinks he can. If you think you will win you will certainly win and your think you won’t it is almost certain that you would lose. It is all in a state of mind. Begin from the beginning. Analyze your past and pin point causes that led to your fears and complexes.
  • Appreciate the futility of comparison. Determine your strong points and get the best out of them. Do not worry as to what others will say about you. They are concerned about themselves and not about you. + Knowledge and experience are the only tools that can ultimately slay one’s fears. Next attempt the very thing you are diffident about. To learn swimming, you have to get into the water, wet yourself and try. Walking, driving and even standing up were serious problems at one time and you mastered them by practice. Similarly you can master any art with practice.
  • Let things happen. Suppose you have suffered a set hack, Suppose someone has criticized you. Suppose something did not turn out as you expected. Well, so What? If von have the grit and determination, you can try again, again till you SUCCEED. Nothing is wasted. With every experience, every event, every attempt your knowledge and skill grow. That means you are nearer to VICTORY.